two uncles,
Grandpa,
then Grandma -- all dead.
i didn't do enough for them.
i didn't cry for them.
i didn't do a thing for them.
how can i do anything for them?
too afraid to really cry
for fear the dam will break
unleashing a wave of sadness
unleashing a wave of regret
unleashing waves of failure
unleashing wave upon wave of pain
unleashing my humanity
unleashing my mortality
unleashing my fragility
i'm scared in the knowledge that
i am just a soap bubble full
of salt and water and bones
trying to stay in one piece
while floating over a rocky shore
during a hurricane.
"i sing songs to my father
i'll sing songs to a child"
here and now.
must carry on.
haven't cried for a long time, so why now?
the day is soon nigh
to cry
and die
and
be alive.
not dead yet,
but not quite alive.