i think about all that i know of that person,
that person who i cared for,
who i loved,
who i trusted,
who wronged me,
and figure out where they are weak.
Where is their jugular?, i ask myself.
i am a good hunter, once inspired.
i wait for the right time,
for the right conversational opening,
and thrust my word-spear into
the hole in their soul.
i rarely miss.
tears of pain,
yelps of anger and fear,
thrown objects,
are peans to my skill.
of course the
"FUCK YOU!"
that that part of me lives for --
celestial joy.
yet, always, ALWAYS,
i wish i didn't.
it feels good at the moment,
but eventually it's wrong,
even if i'm right.
that "eye for an eye" stuff
just leaves everyone blind and hurt.
my prayer to God is:
let me seek not the jugular,
but let me be strong enough to walk away.
protect me so i can cry alone.
that's all i really want when i'm hurt.
time heals my wounds.
when i am honest to myself,
i never ever think
i am a nice man.
for i know where evil lives.