before the first day of class
in our new town,
my brother and i got to school
about 15 minutes before the doors opened
we all (the other kids, my bro, and i)
waited for the doors
on the high school porch
jockeying for position.
i was so scared,
so nervous,
so out of my element,
that my old social engine
seized up for good.
on that porch,
and the whole time we lived there,
the only person i could
really talk to
was my brother.
in time, i gained a lot of weight,
engulfing that which could not hurt me,
enthralling my spirit so it could not leave,
captivating it with paper chains of fear.
losing the weight didn't help.
getting a job didn't help.
getting laid didn't help.
admitting i was scared helped.
admitting i had to change helped the most.
it only took life 16 years
to refute the effect
of those 15 minutes
on that porch, in that town, so long ago.