From oracle-request Sat Jan 8 00:10:34 1994 Received: by moose.cs.indiana.edu (5.65c/9.4jsm) id AA20640; Sat, 8 Jan 1994 00:10:34 -0500 Date: Sat, 8 Jan 1994 00:10:34 -0500 From: To: oracle-list Subject: Usenet Oracularities #616 Reply-To: oracle-vote X-Face: #uz~Ma5G?lX"lQv,9/$d0hEy7pk]l$U^|3Otd8>?b"!\/AE_F0Lm!['3"[}DQFw9 qxsx)mp$|3:}1pa:lK6H"H8TH+;E(w1r09e:3vpnx4zyC.v?+v%088"=)bs-,Q[: c2NWk',v>VQ^Hhf_zG5Okg;[vkGO%8`7T*XW0SepJNfCbVa",Dmvk-C/K|-uX*!e uK1Yc!-``R-$q(;"a@3 sgw_x[EK!Z)HJ~yxbd+mg{krWs0NA!1h/aXR X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 616 ================================================================== Title: Usenet Oracularities #616 Compiled-By: "Steve Kinzler" Date: Sat, 8 Jan 1994 00:10:34 -0500 To find out all about the Usenet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 616 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 611 59 votes anf74 7jgd4 7dpd1 5hl97 45hmb lb9b7 6cdgc 1lw50 37gje gih53 611 2.9 mean 2.5 2.8 2.8 2.9 3.5 2.5 3.3 2.7 3.6 2.3 --- 616-01 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: RICH MCGEE The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh all-seeing master of things known and unknown, oh keeper of > immoderate knowledge, oh explainer of the ways of DOS and UNIX, please > tell me: > > What is it (as Freud first asked) that women want? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Women want a fast C++ compiler that generates small, efficient code; } they want a globally-supported, full-featured Unix with an integrated } (yet optional) GUI interface; they want...oops, wait, that's what } >geeks< think women want. } } Women want (in no particular order): affection, love, diamonds, } attention, more clothes, less body fat, ice cream, companionship, back } rubs, laughter, kisses, chocolate, sunshine, less hair, cuddling, and } flowers (to name but a few). Lucky is the man who can provide more than } a few of her desires. } } If all else fails, several inches more than average can occasionally } make up for a lack of any of the above listed attributes, but don't } count on it. --- 616-02 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: David Sewell The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > boingee boingee boingee And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } A fascinating question, because unwittingly you have stumbled across } some of the most fascinating yet little-known works in the Oraculean } Library, if only you had the letters in the right order: } } e.e. bingo (Collected Works, MS Orac 7 fl. 12-acme) } } An unrelated uncle of e.e. cummings, whose poetry is no less } enchanting, readable, or meaningful, worse luck. A sample is } appended: } } the dwarf that saved the ship } } the dwarf that saved the ship that night } was banana, like a corfu flight } he whiled his time as he tiled his wine } and this'll make money in forty years' time } } I, Bengeo (MS Orac 9 fl. 15-vill) } } An autobiographical account of an unsung Hertfordshire village, from } 976 AD to last Tuesday. Including an unalphabetical list of licenced } floundry merchants and one of the first recorded swan songs, which } because the village is unsung remained unheard, thought to have } been written by a large duck who lived at the North Manor until one } unfortunate Sunday: } } Winter is icumen in } Lhude sing "Guffaw" } Wringeth neck and stuff with sneck(1) } To cook(2) at gasmark foure. } } (1) A type of watercress, or a package holiday. } (2) To cook. } } Beni Ego (MS Orac 15b fl. 28-auto) } } Not, as one might expect, a psychiatrist's theory that all human } emotion is derived ultimately from the skeleton (probably your } father's), but very bad Latin for "I'm all right", written by the oil } baron Solide Denarii (86-54 b.c.). It is impossible to appreciate the } full beauty of the work in English, or indeed in Latin, so a French } translation is just as good: } } Quand je suis retourne' a l'ouest, j'ai vu un grand cheval. "Mon } Dieu", j'ai crie', "c'est mon oncle mort, qui est revenu des } grandes vitrines vertes." J'ai mis les mans sur la te^te, fait une } petite ------, et alle' tout de suite a' ma soeur, qui habite a' } Limerick. "Mais c'est impossible", elle a dit, "parce-que ton oncle } n'a aime' jamais le couleur vert. Peut-e^tre bleu?" Par exemple! } } - Chapter XVI, first words. } } Why he called his book "I'm all right" is a mystery, but not a very } interesting one. } } Gibe One (MS Orac 12 fl. 87-sail) } } A beginner's guide to sailing, although I personally would recommend } Michael Green's "Art of Coarse Sailing". Gibes, Forecastles, Masts } and Oarsmanship are all explained in great detail with iambic } pentameter and pop-up diagrams. Useful for plugging a leaky boat, if } nothing else, which seems likely. } } So, if that doesn't answer your question, then } I be gone. --- 616-03 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: David Sewell The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > > > > > > > > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Oracle advises you not to chew on the edges of your question and } leave a trail of toothmarks. You have also wiped away your question. } Please try again! --- 616-04 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jgm@cs.brown.edu The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle most high > tell this lowly supplicant > how to write Haiku. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Grasshopper, } } The first line has five } syllables, second seven, } and the third, too, five. --- 616-05 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why do I have to work with such arseholes??!? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Dearest Non-grovelling Supplicant, you did it to yourself. You chose } to be a proctologist. Now pull the rubber glove a little higher and } cope. } } You owe the Oracle a tube of Preparation-H. --- 616-06 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: bc70007@bingsuns.cc.binghamton.edu (Otis Viles) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle, I'm asking YOU this since you are the smartest ever, and I > think ONLY you would know this since it might be a secret which I've > discovered. > > Now, I just heard that in the language called French, they call a dog a > "sha". Now, in Indian language, a "shaman" is a sort of God right? > > Now HERE's where this gets really weird - DOG spelled backwards is > GOD!!! > > Is this a really neat discovery or what??? > > love, Gloria And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } If you heard that a French dog is a "sha," you need your hearing } checked. In French a "chat" -- which is pronounced "sha" -- is a CAT! } You are correct about the connection between "sha" (chat) and "shaman;" } however a shaman is not a god herself, merely a priest -- one who } mediates between man and the gods (les chats). } } As to the connection between "dog" and "god," that should be obvious. } A dog is an anti-god -- the incarnation of evil. } } You owe the Oracle a French lesson and the sacrifice of a Chihuahua. --- 616-07 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: nolan@helios.unl.edu (Harold the Foot) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Please 'O omnipotent oracle, who is so potent it puts Madonna to > shame, tell me: Is 6:30am too early to get up?!! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Absolutely. } } However, never going to sleep is always a viable option. } } You owe the Oracle a Mason jar of amphetamines. --- 616-08 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: nolan@helios.unl.edu (Harold the Foot) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > You can put stock in a stockroom, but can you fit a whole store in a > storeroom? And what exactly can you put in a mushroom? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } If it's large enough. } } Alaskan sled dogs. --- 616-09 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jgm@cs.brown.edu The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Where is my messge from mark harrison? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hermetically sealed in a pickle jar under Uncle Herb's back } porch. } } You owe the Usenet Oracle a better e-mail routing system. --- 616-10 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: asbestos@nwu.edu (Michael A. Atkinson) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Does BILL GATES use public domain software? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yes, as all of the public has become Bill Gates' domain. } } You owe the Oracle something that Bill Gates does not yet own.