From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Tue Jan 14 09:48:21 2003 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.11.6/8.11.6/IUCS_2.47) id h0EENtb17544; Tue, 14 Jan 2003 09:23:55 -0500 (EST) Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2003 09:23:55 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <200301141423.h0EENtb17544@moose.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1303 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1303 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1303 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2003 09:23:41 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1303 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1298 56 votes 28fid 1esa3 3cjh5 29il6 15iie 39deh 0cnd8 2hje4 59ig8 22gfl 1298 3.4 mean 3.6 3.0 3.2 3.4 3.7 3.6 3.3 3.0 3.2 3.9 --- 1303-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > what exactly is computer programming and how does it works? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Isn't any wonder than 27 identical questions like the one } above all came from Redmond, Washington? --- 1303-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle Most Wise, > > Frogs ! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } An intriguing hypothesis! However, you fail to take the snakes, } slamanders, turtles, newts and various insects into account. Also, } an *exclamation point*? Seriously, do you really think that'll work? } Come back when you've taken care of these problems. } } You owe the Oracle some of whatever it is you're smoking. --- 1303-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Hmm... I wonder what would happen if I rubbed this old lamp. Lessee... > *rubs* And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No! NO! } } Ewwww. } } [ Lamp laughs. ] } } The 'smartest' thing those pervert old lamps ever did was getting } everyone to believe in genies. } } You owe the Oracle a mop. --- 1303-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle the vault of heaven overhead is more finite than your wisdom, > > How can I tell art from traffic signs? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Violate or ignore the art. If a cop gives you a ticket, it was } probably a traffic sign. } } You owe the Oracle a question requiring a bit more imagination. --- 1303-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Wisest Oracle, > > How does a white car differ from some smoke on the horizon? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } A white car is very different from some smoke on the horizon because } it is a clearly defined shape moving in a rather predetermined } path which is established by either paved road or dirt two track } out in the country. Now the only known exception to this is a Mr. } Barnes who owns a 70's era Chevy pickup that is in a bad need of a } new head gasket. This bondo grey and primer white pickup spends } most of its time off road, billowing massive plumes of smoke and } going every which way because Mr. Barnes never drives without his } home made whiskey. So now you know that most white cars do not look } or behave like clouds unless it is } } A) producing one of its own, and/or } } B) its driver is in one --- 1303-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > This is a multi-part message in MIME format. > > ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01C2B7B9.0A6CF220 > Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" > Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit > > Why do most of the women that I know hate Britney Spears? > > ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01C2B7B9.0A6CF220 > Content-Type: application/ms-tnef; name="winmail.dat" > Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64 > Content-Disposition: attachment; filename="winmail.dat" > > eJ8+IgkOAQaQCAAEAAAAAAABAAEAAQeQBgAIAAAA5AQAAAAAAADoAAEIgAcAGAAAAElQTS5N > AAAAFAAAAE9yYWNsZSB0ZWxsIG1lIHRoaXMAAgFxAAEAAAAWAAAAAcK361PjqataTiMIEdez > CDjQ3gAAAgEdDAEAAAATAAAAU01UUDpCLVJZQU5AVEkuQ09NAAALAAEOAAAAAEAABg4AmJJP > AQIBCg4BAAAAGAAAAAAAAABfpwMHwNzUEbMyAGAIONDewoAAAAsAHw4BAAAAAwAGELU9yBwD > LgAAAB4ACBABAAAALwAAAFdIWURPTU9TVE9GVEhFV09NRU5USEFUSUtOT1dIQVRFQlJJVE5F > RUFSUz8AAAIBCRABAAAAvgAAALoAAAABAQAATFpGdZMS6r4DAAoAcmNwZzEyNRYyAPgLYG4O > M08B9wKkBGQCAGNoCsBz8GV0MCAIVQKDAFAD1ZsHEwKAfQqACMggOwlvljACgAqBdgiQd2sL > > ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01C2B7B9.0A6CF220-- And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } > ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01C2B7B9.0A6CF220 } > Content-Type: application/ms-tnef; name="winmail.dat" } > Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64 } > Content-Disposition: attachment; filename="winmail.dat" } > } > 8888 M::::::::::::::M88888888888::::::MM888888888888888 88888 } > 888 M:::::::::::::M8888888888888M:::::mM888888888888888 8888 } > 888 M::::::::::::M8888:888888888888::::m::Mm88888 888888 8888 } > 88 M::::::::::::8888:88888888888888888::::::Mm8 88888 888 } > 88 M::::::::::8888M::88888::888888888888:::::::Mm88888 88 } > 8 MM::::::::8888M:::8888:::::888888888888::::::::Mm8 4 } > 8M:::::::8888M:::::888:::::::88:::8888888::::::::Mm 2 } > 88MM:::::8888M:::::::88::::::::8:::::888888:::M:::::M } > 8888M:::::888MM::::::::8:::::::::::M::::8888::::M::::M } > 88888M:::::88:M::::::::::8:::::::::::M:::8888::::::M::M } > 88 888MM:::888:M:::::::::::::::::::::::M:8888:::::::::M: } > 8 88888M:::88::M:::::::::::::::::::::::MM:88::::::::::::M } > 88888M:::88::M:::::::::##################################### } > 888888M:::88::M:::::::::##################################### } > 888888MM::88::MM::::::::##################################### } > 88888 M:::8::MM::::::::##################################### } > 8888 MM::::::MM:::::::##################################### } > 888 M:::::::MM::::::##################################### } > 888 MM:::::::MMM::::::::::::::::MM:::MM:::::::::::::::M } > 88 M::::::::MMMM:::::::::::MMMM:::::MM::::::::::::MM } > 88 MM:::::::::MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM::::::::MMM::::::::MMM } > 88 MM::::::::::::MMMMMMM::::::::::::::MMMMMMMMMM } > 88 8MM::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::MMMMMM } > 8 88MM::::::::::::::::::::::M:::M::::::::MM } > } > ------=_NextPart_000_007D_01C2B7B9.0A6CF220-- --- 1303-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: MVSOPEN@aol.com The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Love Grows (Where My Oracle Goes) > by Edison Lisa And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } He's got lotsa money } His clothes are kinda funny } He ZOTs marmots endlessly } Oh, and love grows where my Oracle goes } And nobody knows like me } } He types kinda lazy } And people say he's crazy } And his life's a mystery } Oh, but love grows where my Oracle goes } And nobody knows like me } } There's something about his hand holding mine } It's a feeling that's fine } And I just gotta say } He's really got a magical staff } And it's working not half- } Bad, so I can't get away } } I'm a lucky lady } The Marchioness de Sadie } And I love him endlessly } Because love grows where my Oracle goes } And nobody knows like me --- 1303-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Hey, how does this damned thing work? THUMP THUMP THUMP > Isn't there supposed to be an answer coming out of here > somewhere? THUMP WHAMMM THUDDDDD And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } NY City (TIO-News) Madam Cleo, famous US psychic was roughed up } Friday by a drunken man who seemed to have mistaken her for a fortune } telling mannequin. "I and I was like a tellin' him. No need for the } Rough Stuff. No need, but warn't a listenin', " said Ms. Cleo who } is in legal trouble over her televised claims of physic ability. } "I didn't see this a comin'," sighed Ms. Cleo. --- 1303-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Wise and Brave Oracle, I have read every digest and am blue on days > that there is not a new one, I would be tickled pink if you would > answer this for be; > > What do the colors that are beyond the range that > humans can detect look like? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Andy Worhol paintings. } } You owe the Oracle some ultra-fucia boxer shorts. --- 1303-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > askme -nomime -nosigs -no_lotr_questions And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } dumpqueue -woodchuck -null -earwax -goat -tim_chew_hair -flowersgone } -haiku -lemur