From owner-oracle-archive@kinzler.com Tue Aug 11 09:08:03 2015 Return-Path: Delivered-To: oracle-distrib-3z8MfSl@internetoracle.org Received: by kinzler.com (Postfix, from userid 65534) id 2CF8A101514; Tue, 11 Aug 2015 09:08:03 -0400 (EDT) To: oracle-list@internetoracle.org Subject: Internet Oracularities #1554 Reply-To: vote@internetoracle.org X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.kinzler.com/ftp/faces Message-Id: <20150811130803.2CF8A101514@kinzler.com> Date: Tue, 11 Aug 2015 09:08:03 -0400 (EDT) From: oracle-request@internetoracle.org (Internet Oracle) === 1554 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1554 Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler) Date: Tue, 11 Aug 2015 09:07:51 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1554 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1549 21 votes 35553 15951 34b21 15474 24843 23853 09282 33564 11586 13395 1549 3.2 mean 3.0 3.0 2.7 3.4 3.1 3.2 3.1 3.2 3.8 3.7 --- 1554-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > Why is my duck green? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It wasn't easy, let me tell ya! --- 1554-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > After hearing about Bruce, I couldn't help thinking: > > Can I be a dog? Maybe I'm done being human. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, here's the thing. I'm kind of full-up on dog reincarnations at } this point. I can offer you...let's see...*consults clipboard* } cat...no....bunny...no... } } I've got a lovely otter in the Canadian backwoods. Lots of room, plenty } of trees? No? OK, what else, what else. *taps pencil on teeth* } } Oh, now this is special. I've just had a rhino open up in central } Africa. Lovely sunshine, lazing about...what's that? Yes, the Chinese } do still hunt the horns. Yes, good point. *scratches pencil on } clipboard* There must be something here... } } Ah, here we go. A dolphin in the Atlantic. A nice friendly pod, plenty } of exercise, no concerns, just swimming all day long. Sounds great, } yes? Perfect! Let's get you going straight away. Just stand right over } there and.... } } ZZZZZZZOT! } } Heh heh heh, what a maroon! } } Oi! Zadoc! Come clean this mess up! --- 1554-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Aaugh! I wanted a space SUIT but I made an embarrassing typo! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Unfortunately even the Oracle cannot cancel your Travelocity } reservation for a space SUITE. When you get there, don't open the } windows, you don't have a space suit. } } You owe the Oracle the mint from your space pillow. --- 1554-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > My teacher says we have to support removable energy. Like wind. Right > now the wind is calm, so that removes it. Entirely like. > > I have an idea. When the wind is blowing we can use it to inflate a big > inner tube, like I use for swimming because I can't swim. Then when the > wind is calm like now we can let the air out and it will run the wind > turban. We can even take filled inner tubes to places with no wind. Am > I smart, or what? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Your idea is good, but it would be better applied to water power, } as it has higher energy density (in horsepower-fortnights per cubic } cubit) than wind. Go to the hills, find a spring, and fill a watering } can. Than walk back down, carrying the can higher and higher above } your head so as to keep the water at the absolute height you took it } from. Then use its potential energy to feed a power plant, such as } the biofuel willow. } } You owe the Oracle an essay on other uses of springs for energy and } plants, including the Clockwork Orange. --- 1554-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark Lawrence The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Hi, please tellme what I'm supposed to be offended by today. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Lazy incarnations. --- 1554-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why is it always easier the hard way? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } FOR THE LAST TIME!!! I AM NOT GOING TO BUY VIAGRA FROM A SPAMMER!!! --- 1554-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I couldn't beat 'em. How do I join 'em? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Superglue or Gorilla Glue seem to work fairly well. } } You owe the Oracle a separate and disjoint recovery. --- 1554-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I need a good entomologist who can tell me the origin of words. Words > like squeggplodger. Nobody didn't simply make that up. No way. It > had to some from somewhere. A good entomologist (word guy) like you > should be able to say. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The etymology of entomology is that "entomos" is the Greek for "cut } into", since insects' bodies are cut into parts. } } The entomology of etymology is usually confined to "the blasted } woodworm have been at my bookshelves again". } } You owe the Oracle someone who can unplodge his squegger. --- 1554-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I really want to go there. Why am I not aloud? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It's a silent movie. --- 1554-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I gave you misinformation once. How should I interpret the answer > you gave me? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, I would of course KNOW that you gave me misinformation. } This give me two options: } 1) Deliberately craft an advice that will have disastrous consequences } if followed. In that case you should obviously not follow it. } 2) If I knew you would expect 1), I should give you advice that will } have disastrous consequences if NOT followed. } } Then, If I knew you'd expect 2), I should of course do 1). } } Good luck. } } You owe the Oracle that coin you were thinking about flipping.