From oracle-request@cs.indiana.edu Wed Apr 1 00:10:20 1998 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by sunos.cs.indiana.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7/IUCS_2.16) id AAA11377; Wed, 1 Apr 1998 00:10:20 -0500 (EST) Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 00:10:20 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <199804010510.AAA11377@sunos.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #000 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 000 68 2.1 =========================================================== Title: Internet Oracularities #000 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Wed, 1 Apr 1998 00:10:20 -0500 (EST) !!! Please see the introduction to the real Digest #1000 for the !!! revelation and explanation of this April Fool's Day digest posting. @@@ WE MADE IT! @@@ @@@ The Thousandth digest has arrived! They said it couldn't be done. @@@ They said it'd never happen. They said it'd all end. But here it is. @@@ One thousand digests of ten thousand selected Oracularities. What an @@@ accumulation! @@@ @@@ However ... *sigh* I thought we were ready for this. @@@ @@@ Please excuse the noncanonical number on this digest (#000). @@@ Having approached the big #1000 with confidence that all D1K (digest @@@ one thousand) bugs were exterminated from the Oracle's systems, @@@ I discover that now, as the moment is here, some nasty ones remain. @@@ Since it seems that it'll cause less trouble to let out the digest @@@ with #000 for now than #1000, that's how it is. I wouldn't want @@@ to disappoint our faithful readers and delay this landmark digest. @@@ We'll be working around the clock to get everything fixed before @@@ #1001 is due. Wish us luck @@@ @@@ ... and remind me to retire from the computer biz before Jan 1, 2000. @@@ @@@ Yours in millennial celebration/trauma, Steve Kinzler To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 000 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 995 91 votes dHFfp iAOrr gpOoi epLme sywOs tAIRt 1pSAh 0rHCo 0IELo 0LSEd 995 3.1 mean 3.0 3.1 3.0 3.0 3.1 3.1 3.3 3.4 3.3 3.1 --- 000-01 xhe22 1.9 ----------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Como consigo una tarjeta verde de inmigracion de los E.E.U.U.? > > Muchas gracias, > Esteban Cazador And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Did you know that 'Verde' is a character in the book 'Dance of the } Tiger'? Except that it's spelt slightly differently. } } You owe The Oracle a one ton tomato. --- 000-02 zja04 1.8 ----------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: David Sewell The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Lisa. Woodchuck. Zadoc. Og. Fighting fish. Grovel. . And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } London, Paris, New York, Moscow, Tokyo, Sydney, Prague. --- 000-03 rna44 2.0 ----------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Julsy" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle, what's your favourite recipe for Chili? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Internet Oracle's Mild Red Chile Posole with Meat } === ======== ======== ==== === ===== ====== ==== ==== } } 20 New Mexico (or Anaheim red) chiles, stemmed and seeded } 1 cup dried chiltepines } 3 cups cooked posole corn } 4 medium-sized garlic cloves, peeled } 6 cups beef broth } 1/4 cup olive oil } 2 pounds game meat, preferably javelina, cut into 1" x 1/2" chunks } Salt } Freshly ground black pepper } 1/4 cup dried leaf oregano (for garnish) } } Put red chiles, chiltepines, garlic and 2 cups of broth in a blender } or food processor; process until chiles are pureed. In a large pot, } heat oil over medium-high heat. Season javelina generously with salt } and pepper and saute until evenly browned, about 5 minutes. Pour off } half the fat and add pureed chile mixture. Saute 2 minutes more. Add } remaining stock, posole, and 1 teaspoon salt. Bring to a boil, reduce } heat, partly cover and simmer--stirring occasionally--until meat is } tender and sauce is thick, about 1 1/2 hours. Garnish lightly } with oregano. Makes 4-6 servings. --- 000-04 qld26 2.1 ----------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: clemenr@westminster.ac.uk (Ross Clement) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Life a river > A sapphire in the swift > current illuminated > swirling through immense > hard space > small decayed rock; > sand. > > Life a river > by a field where a gull > wings by once > gray, a color > unremembered as all > fades. > > A river > for nothing; > an offer; > no taker; > > Snow-trickles, creekbed, earth. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } There once was a life like a river } A sapphire in the swift would sliver } A small decayed rock } Some wings that would lock } An offer no taker no giver } } You owe The Oracle some snow-trickles in my creekbed. --- 000-05 r9m46 2.3 ----------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Otis Viles The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > +---------------------------------------------------------------------- > | Visit GodzillaMan's %%%% friends, free software can't survive if we > | Mega Awesome %@@%%% don't cooperate with stealing it!!! > | Warez and %%% %%%%%%% # # crack osme code today! email me at > | Crackz site %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%#### GodzillaMan2000@juno.com with file > | on the WWW! VVVVVVVV%%%%%%##### reqeusts!!! --------------------- > | New stuff AAAAAAAA%%%%%%%## -------------------------------- > | added daily! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% ------------Wared Board--------- > | All crackz %%%%%%%%%% # # ------------------------------- > | are elite only ---- %%%%%%%%%% #### ---------GodzillaMan--------- > | no lames crap --- %%%%%%%%%%##### ---------Annihilated--------- > | like the \\ -- %%%%%%%%%%%%## ----------PotRoast----------- > | other so \\%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%% ----------Defender1---------- > | called \\%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%% # # ---------------------------- > | sites out %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% #### --------------------------- > | there! 1000's %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%##### ----We Rule! SPA sux!----- > | of files ready %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%## ---We will not be ruled--- > | for download now %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% ---by the so called law!-- > | like Wolfenstein 3D %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% # # ------------------------ > | Sopwith Ultima III %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% #### ----GodzillaMan says--- > | Moira Wordstar Basica %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%##### -------"ROAR!"--------- > | and tons more! Tradez %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%## ----------------------- > | only 1 file up for each %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% # # -------------------- > | file down! Look for the %%%%%%%% %%%%%%% #### ------------------- > | site at 127.0.0.1, login %%%%%%% -- %%%%%% ##### ------------------ > | as anonymous with your %%%%%%% --- %%%%%%%## # # ------------- > | email address as password %%%%%%% --- %%%%%%% #### ------------ > | logins are not %%%%%%%% ---- %%%%%%%%% ## ------------ > | logged! Pass the <<%%%%%%%%%%%%% ------ %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% ---- > | word to your <<%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% --------- %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% > +---------------------------------------------------------------------- And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Do you have Oracle DBMS software? I'm also looking for some expert } Oracle programmers, if you know of anyone who might be interested. --- 000-06 obk76 2.4 ----------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > My meat parts are fond of you. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } What is your % body fat? --- 000-07 scg66 2.3 ----------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave Disser The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh wonderous Oracle , > > I need to write a program that takes an input string, randomises > it and then outputs the identical same string. I really don't > know if this is possible but if anyone knows it would surely > be you! I would be more than greatful! > > Humbly Yours, > Mr C And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } (define randomly-permute } (letrec ((fact (lambda (n) } (if (<= n 1) } 1 } (* n (fact (- n 1))))))) } (lambda (str) } (begin } (display (list->string (list-ref } (generate-all-permutations } (string->list str)) } (randomnumber } (fact (string-length str)))))) } (newline)) } str))) } } (define generate-all-permutations } (lambda (lst) } (letrec ((remove-first } (lambda (x lst) } (if (eqv? (car lst) x) } (cdr lst) } (cons (car lst) (remove-first x (cdr lst)))))) } (map-append } (lambda (f lst) } (if (null? lst) } '() } (append (f (car lst)) } (map-append f (cdr lst))))))) } (if (<= (length lst) 1) } (list lst) } (let ((prefix-to-every (lambda (elt) } (map (lambda (lst-elt) } (append (list elt) lst-elt)) } (generate-all-permutations } (remove-first elt lst)))))) } (map-append prefix-to-every lst)))))) } } (define randomnumber } ; n0t 5t4t15T1c477y r4nd0m, but c7053 3n|_|ff!!1! k3w7! } (lambda (less-than) } (inexact->exact (modulo (round (runtime)) less-than)))) --- 000-08 zg953 1.9 ----------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Hey you, i found this in my e-mail box, and i thought that i > should forward it to every person that i know, pretty cool offer. > > Now there is a way to get a free web page on the internet. > There's free e-mail and irc server too. You get 100 meg of space > and free tech support. Let me know at freewebsite555@juno.com if > you are interested in this valuble offer. Thanks dude. Haven't > you always watned your own Web Site? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } your a jerk } } ***************mew*************mew********mew************************* } *"To be or not to be thats the mother-f--king question." - me * } *"I used to have a brain but then I started reading." * } *"Dance all night go go go." - Talking Heads * } * ==================================== * } *If you like cats as much as I do check out my mewsite!!! Its way * } *kewel! * } * (all opinions are mine so screw it) * } * * } *my website can be found at: * } * http://www.krpsht.quirk.pds/smile/~marge/mew * } ********************************************************************** } ********mew***********mew*************mew*************mew************* --- 000-09 zgb33 1.9 ----------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark Lawrence The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle, if you're so witty and wise, why do I keep getting empty answers > to my questions?! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } HOI! ZADOC! } } You called master. } } Zadoc. What time is it? } } 3:15pm master. } } I knew that, worm! } } You owe The Oracle an omnipotent wristwatch. --- 000-10 zbd45 2.0 ----------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > If I mention Lisa, Zadoc, Og, woodchucks, lemurs, and bright red > Siamese fighting fish in my query, will it appear in the Digest? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } **ZOT!**